my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You need a sexual gate keeper
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
