We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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