his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
