At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
