Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
