I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
