I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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