I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
