so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
