The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
