So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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