I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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