We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
