I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
