Im at strip club and am horny
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
