at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk is not a location!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
