my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
