Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
