everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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