i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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