got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
BRING THE BAGELS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
