She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize