...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize