did you get engaged???
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
