How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
