1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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