Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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