I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
