what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
