I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
