Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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