This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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