found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
