Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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