Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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