My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
