you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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