So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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