so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
