Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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