Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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