Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize