do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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