A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
