Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
