just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
People in love make me want to vomit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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