I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
