You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
