Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
