i don't like sucking hair
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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