So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
