I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
