I can text with my tongue
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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