I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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