In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
