my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
