My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
