No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
