wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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