conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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