He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
