just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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