At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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