for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
