Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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