please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
