It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
