me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
