My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
