Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
