yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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