on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
