Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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