sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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