I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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