Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
