highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's always time for handjobs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
